13 Feb The Artist’s Journal: Limited Time and Money
Over the past six months, I have worked harder than ever before in my life. I have so much will and energy within me to do things that are uncomfortable and even difficult. Working toward my own goals and dreams certainly plays a role in that. However, it hasn’t been easy financially. There is pressure of limited time and money.
For the past six months, I haven’t had any personal money, and I rely entirely on my husband. Although it isn’t easy for him, I am grateful for his support from the bottom of my heart. I feel such deep gratitude and love for him that it’s hard to put into words. I dream of the day I can somehow repay him for this.
I am talking about money because it is relevant in my life right now. I believe that for my ventures, I must always set a timeframe within which the project should reach its goal or at least show signs of viability. Otherwise, I could spend years working on something that doesn’t work—at least not in a way that allows me to earn a living, which is essential for life. This is especially true since we have a little girl in our family for whom we are responsible in every way. Economically, too.
I am working on my projects full-time, and I think I have a few months to half a year to generate some kind of income through drawing. If my efforts haven’t led anywhere by then, I will have to put my dream of being an artist—in its current form—on pause and return to a full-time job working for someone else. I’ll do what’s necessary if life demands it. But to be honest, I know my value, and I no longer wish to help others get rich without receiving fair compensation in return. Nor do I want to give up on a dream that would only pull me back into its embrace anyway.
Bringing a dream to life alongside a full-time job is not an option. Not for many years, if I want to be present in my daughter’s life. I truly believe that a parent’s presence and dedication are crucial during those first five years, as they shape how a child sees and interacts with the world. That is why, once the workday ends, our focus is on our family. We cook together, we take turns exercising, and we dedicate ourselves to raising our daughter with love. These moments, when she reaches for us with her tiny hands, are ones we can never get back. It is priceless!
It’s possible to realize dreams later in life, but I’m already 37, and I’ve given up quite a few times. I have had enough of giving up. I feel that now is the time! I need to give this everything I have, regardless of the outcome. I am ready to accept it if I don’t succeed as an artist, but at least I’ll know I tried. Only then can we move on in peace, wherever that may be. And the things I’ve learned and experienced won’t go to waste either; over these six months, I’ve already learned so much that I can also use as a graphic designer
I know it’s possible to speed up the achievement of results, but that also requires money. Specifically, it would be much easier if I could hire someone to help with marketing. That would give me more time to focus on drawing, honing my skills, and creating my coloring books. I know it would make a huge difference. Struggling alone leads most creative people to burnout, and I don’t want that.
A friend suggested looking for a student intern to help. The idea has merit, but I have to see if my company meets the requirements for an internship provider. Have to look into it.
Final Thoughts
I am still optimistic and will keep going as long as I can, but fatigue and feelings of loneliness have begun to surface. The lack of financial resources, such as not being able to afford hobbies, paid workouts, or even my own shampoo, is morally exhausting. I suppose everyone who chases their dream has a price of admission to pay. Life is testing whether I truly want this enough: I have to be willing to take the risks, endure the challenges, and walk through the quiet, difficult moments that only a few people ever see.
These thoughts might be a bit of a ramble, because there are so many thoughts and emotions that I am not used to sharing. Jeah…
We are strong and till next time!
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