06 Oct When authentic writing is surprisingly hard.
It has been two years since my last blog post — things didn’t go as I had hoped. Looking back now, I can see signs, even in that very first post, that my blogging was destined to fail.
Vision for my blog.
When I was building this blog and envisioning it in my mind, I knew I wanted to create something different. I wanted to have a place where I could share my honest journey of becoming an artist. Hence, the platform choice: my own website. A place where I wouldn’t compare myself to others and wouldn’t count the “likes” accumulating under every post. I wanted an environment where I wouldn’t pretend to be someone else. Despite making a conscious decision to create something different, I still lost myself. I began creating from a need to be liked. For that reason, the blog fell short of the honesty and authenticity I had intended to convey.
Where it's started to go wrong.
Building the website took longer than expected, and I had time to consume videos and podcasts that taught me “how to create an amazing blog.” While the content itself wasn’t wrong or harmful, it fed my overanalytical mind. My vision and intuition for my blog got smothered under the abundance of information.
When I started writing, I could feel the heaviness. Thoughts did not flow right, and each post took over a week to create. It was highly challenging, and considering the upcoming life changes, it felt unsustainable. At the time, I didn’t notice anything was wrong, as I was simply excited to be doing my own thing. Looking back, I see that writing becomes difficult when the content I create isn’t natural to me and is fabricated to meet a superficial goal. In this case, this subconscious goal was to please.
The reason I stoped writing.
I started building my blog during my pregnancy and began writing toward the end of it. I had planned to continue blogging after becoming a parent. However, life taught me that it wasn’t the right time. Our lovely daughter became our priority, and everything that had a weak foundation or was unsustainable alongside parenting had to fall into the background. That was two posts and several unfinished drafts later, when the blog came to a halt.
The first year as a mother was a time of rebirth, which created space for me to look inside myself and ask, “Who am I, in my truest sense?” I had many complicated thoughts and feelings, and for a while, didn’t see myself continuing with the blog at all. Until recently, I had a feeling that maybe I should revive the blog, but this time, staying true to my vision.
New plans for the blog.
Now, here I am writing again, but doing so authentically is still a challenge. Although the writing process has become smoother (I finished this post within a few hours), I can still feel the marketing background and analytical thinking trying to influence my words. These inner challenges are a part of my identity, and I am learning to recognize them early so that I can write from my heart.
At this point, I am not making any plans for my blog. I will write whenever inspiration strikes. It’s not that I lack ideas or thoughts — I want to ease the pressure of my own expectations and avoid superficiality that tends to creep in when I overthink. I am just going with the flow, and we’ll see how things unfold.
Enjoy the pictures of my old blog design — a beautiful façade that never truly reflected who I am.
And here is my First Blog Post – written with good intentions, but not everything was sincere.
That’s it, for now.
Peace out!
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